QUESTION 

On June 11th, 1986, John Hughes released his seminal teen comedy “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” This week I want to know: Where do you think Ferris Bueller wound up? Where would he be on June 11th, 2013?

Ferris Bueller would have been 17 or 18 in 1986. As a senior in high school, we didn’t see anything that might keep him from graduating since he had defeated the Dean of Students, Mr. Ed Rooney (Jeffrey Jones), and it was more as if he took his friends on their own senior ditch day. On 11 June 2013, he would be about 44, just ripe for a midlife crisis.

Bueller would have gone on to college, gathering a huge following in Chicago, particularly after his parade stunt.  During college, he’d have gotten together with Cameron (Alan Ruck) and restored that 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. As someone who appreciated classic cars, he’s then start a little business restoring classic cars after finally buying his own, perhaps a 1957 convertible Ford Thunderbird. After graduating in 1990, he’d taken off for a year with either Cameron or Sloane (Mia Sara) or both on a road trip across America in the Ferrari or his Thunderbird. Along the way there would be more parades, more singing, more examining of great works of art and more friends. He’d tell Cameron and Sloane, “The question isn’t ‘what are we going to do,’ the question is ‘what aren’t we going to do’? Cameron would meet up with his future wife during this trip and Sloane and Ferris would get married.

Mr. Rooney’s secretary, Grace (Edie McClurg), noted that Ferris Bueller was popular with the “sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads” and that they all adored him.  A person with such popularity should become a politician, a sales person or a TV personality.  Being a politician would have forced Bueller to work hard and work within the confines of the bureaucracy and that would have killed his exuberance for life. Sales can be competitive and requires a driven personality; that wouldn’t suit Bueller either.

We know that Bueller was clever enough to change his number of absences from nine to two by using the computer his parents had given him. The 1990s was the time when the Internet became commercialized and it would seem logical that Bueller would be in on some sort of social Internet project, becoming a TV personality as part of the Dot-com boom in the late 1990s. He’d be one of those early dot-com millionaires, perhaps living in Silicon Valley, however, he’d jump out and cash in his stock before the dot-com bubble burst. After all, he’d think, “How could I possibly be expected to handle work during a year like this?”

Having foreseen the dot-com dot-gone era, he’d enlarge his fan base by becoming motivational speaker on how to ideate and enjoy life: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”  Married, he’d have two kids who would probably be home schooled. Their home would be completely off the grid because Bueller wasn’t a man who thrived under restrictions and liked making his own rules.

By 2013, he’s be ready for another car: a Tesla roadster and yet this time, he’d celebrate his midlife with an identity crisis and might actually want to learn about European socialists (and socialized medicine).  In June of 2013, he’d be preparing to take his family  on a one-year trip to see the world because having seen them grow up so fast he’d realize just how fast life was moving now and he’d want to hold on to their childhood and this family unit for a little bit longer. As the family sets off on their journey, he’d tell them: “The question isn’t ‘what are we going to do,’ the question is ‘what aren’t we going to do’?”

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