Does anyone remember at US reality show (2002-2021) called “Cheaters”? I thought the documentary “Mistress Dispeller” might be something like that with private investigators, explicit (but censored proof) and angry confrontations, but instead we are given an alternative way of handling a universal problem.

Obviously if things are being filmed, everyone knows to a certain extent that what they say and do are being documented.

Everyone agree to participate both at the beginning and end of the production as, their understanding of the film and the mistress dispeller’s role evolved over time.

The film begins with an older woman having her hair blow dried. Later, at an upscale apartment in a high rise, the woman asks her husband, “I got a new haircut. Didn’t you notice?”

Part of the problem is that he isn’t noticing, but she’s noticing that his time is being spent elsewhere. He’s old and isn’t handsome. They are both ordinary people.

What are we told about the cultural context? According to Kushan Love College, only 3% of marriage are happy and 24% are unhappy. And then the college’s lecturer tells us that a Chinese scholar compared marriage to a besieged fortress. The people outside want to rush in, but the people inside want to rush out.

The mistress dispeller consults with the wife and with the help of the wife, insinuates herself into their lives. She also meets the mistress. There’s even badminton games. Badminton is wildly popular China with China the leading global consumer of rackets and other equipment.

The mistress is younger, of course, in her late thirties. Yet ultimately, she’s not going to win. The mistress dispeller explains that the main concern is that of the mistress and her feelings and mental health. It’s the mistress who needs the most support.

While China has a large population finding love and a lasting connection can be difficult but this approach seems to offer a chance for more understanding and a pensive but hopeful renewing of a commitment  over the confrontational approach favored by “Cheaters.” “Cheaters” also was accused of staging and some of the confrontations turned violent. In today’s socio-political culture, where social media and the current presidential administration seems driven by rage and hate, one should wonder if there isn’t a better way of handling matters. “Mistress Dispeller” offers just that in the limited sphere of personal relations.

This documentary is a lesson in negotiation and a non-confrontational way of addressing a universal problem: infidelity. Anyone who’s dipped their toes in the romantic waters should watch this.

“Mistress Dispeller” premiered at the Venice Film Festival in 2024 where it won Best Director, Authors Under 40 Award for Elizabeth Lo  as well as a Netpace Award. It has won several Best Documentary awards including the Chicago International Film Festival’s Gold Hugo and the Maysles Brothers Award at the Denver Film Festival. “Mistress Dispeller” was one of the documentaries featured in the 41st Los Angeles Asian Pacific Film Festival in May 2025.